A sermon by Nate Wilson based on Denny Kenaston’s Godly Home series, 15 May 2011
“Empires fall; mansions crumble;
cattle die; machinery rusts away;
earthly pleasures fade in a moment
but a child lives on and on the lives of descendents
and in those he influences all the way into eternity.”
· Around the time that my second child was born in 1993, my brother, who lived in northern Indiana, gave me a tape recording of a week-long seminar series on the family by a local preacher named Denny Kenaston.
· Denny is a self-confessed hippie who got saved and became a conservative Mennonite. Although I disagree with some of his doctrine, I must say that his seminars on the family have been the most significant influence on my parenting philosophy next to the influence of my own parents.
· In the last 30 or so years since he delivered that seminar, it has been estimated that 100,000 people have heard it. You can easily find mp3’s of it floating around the Internet if you want to hear the original version.
· What I want to share with you this morning is not very original, but it is so near and dear to my heart that I want to share it with you. I have modified it, but the main points are from Denny Kenaston. He started with three scripture passages to set the stage:
Turn to Proverbs 22:6 – “Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old, he will not depart from it.” (KJV)
o Many mothers have prayed this over wayward sons
o Many fathers have puzzled over this verse and what it means for parents who showed their children the way they should go but now are watching their children fall away.
o I want to examine this and understand why some people lose their children.
o First off, notice what this verse does NOT say. It does not say, “Send your children to the right church, and when they are old, they will not depart from it.” Church community is certainly a part of a healthy picture, but it is not the heart of the matter.
o This verse says “train up a child.” What does that mean?
The Hebrew word translated “train up” is only used four other times in the Bible, and in all four instances it refers to a house which is being dedicated for its first use. (Deut. 20:5; 1 Kings 8:63; 2 Chron. 7:5) The idea is that the direction in which a beginner is set will define the rest of his life.
The word could also be translated “Narrow up”
o Perspective lines in art go closer together the further the line goes out. [GRAPHIC]
o The child starts with a virtually unlimited set of options and is narrowed into a more focused way through understanding right and wrong from God’s word, through understanding his culture and family traditions, and through discerning God’s call on his life.
“Catechize”
o Used by old protestants – Lutheran, Westminster, Heidelberg, Baptist, etc.
o Teaching theology in a systematic way that is easy to memorize.
“Stimulate the Palate”
o In the old days before they had food processors, parents of infants that were just beginning to wean would chew up some of the food they liked and then put it on the palate of the child so that the child would learn to eat that kind of food.
o Take the ways of God and the words of God and put that on the palate of the child, the things that have a good spiritual taste in the father’s life and share it with the child.
Isaiah 28:9-10 “Who will teach knowledge and who will cause understanding of what is heard? Those weaned from milk? Those taken from the breasts? For, ‘Precept to precept, precept to precept, line to line, line to line, a little there, a little there.’” (NAW)
o Children are not supposed to be the teachers; God’s word teaches that children are supposed to be learners. You should teach God’s precepts to children!
o “Precept upon precept, line upon line” - First little ideas, then verses, then whole chapters and whole books.
There is a God-given stage of life between nursing child to the age of 10-12.
o Children at this age don’t see your needs.
o Your children love you unconditionally. They think you can do no wrong.
o They will believe whatever you say.
o They long to learn from you. (That’s why even the world sends children to school at that age.) There is a natural desire to learn.
o Children at this age have a very quick memory. They can memorize Bible verses 5x faster than adults can! (Adult’s minds are full of a lifetime of facts and experiences, but children have empty minds ready to be filled with whatever you fill it with.)
Fathers in America tend to spend a few minutes at night with their children before they go to bed and then go back to work first thing the next morning and build their business. America does not lack for men to build businesses; America lacks men who will teach their children all the ways of God.
Traditionally, missionaries have sent their kids off to boarding school until they became teenagers. Even in American churches, some fathers say, “Well, I need to find some work to do at home because the children are getting older now and need me. Mother’s there for them while they are little, then I’ll be there for them when they are getting to be adults.” That is completely turned around; it’s a philosophy of the world. They need father’s strong spirit, his relationship, his teaching, his oversight while they are young. While your children are young, fathers, they need you. When they become teenagers, that’s when they are ready to leave your influence and maybe go away to college.
Now is the time to go after your children. Be purposeful, aggressive. Win their heart. Play with them. Work with them. Teach them all you can.
Isn’t it about the age of 10-12 when a child develops their own individuality?
That’s when they start asking hard questions and start needing more independence. Up until that time, their hearts are open, they’re like sponges – teach me, teach me, teach me. Like little birds with their mouths wide open. God made children like this so that they could learn, and He put our children in our care during those years and gave them an innate trust so we can teach them. Take that baby off of mother’s breast and go after the heart of that child; do everything you can to raise that child for God’s glory. It’s in those first 10 years that you lay the foundation for the whole life of the child.
NASB "Hear, O Israel! The LORD is our God, the LORD is one! You shall love the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your might. These words, which I am commanding you today, shall be on your heart. You shall teach them diligently to your sons and shall talk of them when you sit in your house and when you walk by the way and when you lie down and when you rise up.”
o Picture of a father who is training his children day in and day out. This is the picture that Jewish families lived off of. This is what motivated faithful Jewish fathers.
o Morning, mealtime, worktime, evening.
o וְשִׁנַּנְתָּם לְבָנֶיךָ, וְדִבַּרְתָּ בָּם“Teach diligently” shanan = “sharpen” - Whittle a stick to a point, then you can stick it into something. Nowhere else is it translated “teach.”
o Fathers, take a verse from the word of God. Sharpen it so you can teach it clearly. Then stick it into the heart of your child.
With these principles from Prov 22:6, Isa 28:9, and Deut 6:7 in mind, I want to outline five strategies for “training,” “teaching,” and “sharpening” the children God has given us:
o There have been hundreds of sermons preached on the home throughout America. seminars… tapes… in every Christian bookstore there’s a shelf lined full of books about family issues, but it’s hard to find a home where children are actually being trained in a Godly way.
o I wonder what would happen if every father in this room would get a vision of raising their children and guiding them in the ways of God?
o This is not necessarily about homeschooling. This is about teaching Christian character and faith.
o Your children will not turn out right unless you become a teacher. You may say, “I’m not a teacher; that’s why I send my children to school!”
o Most good fathers, it seems, did not start out as good teachers. I know I didn’t. In elementary and high school, I couldn’t speak in front of people. I would hide and hope I wasn’t called upon when an adult asked for a volunteer to lead a group in prayer. One time I delivered a memorized line during a church service, and the entire congregation – which must have been about 2,000 people – laughed at me, and I never did figure out why. But somehow God put in my heart a desire to teach God’s word to my children, and I worked at it. My wife can tell you, she was always nervous when I would get up to speak in a church setting because I was such a poor speaker, but after a decade of leading my family in devotions and getting comfortable with talking about the Bible, we realized I was a teacher after all!
o God will make you a teacher if you will just open your heart to the responsibility of being a teacher.
o There is enough grace in heaven to make every parent here a teacher. God will teach you how to become a teacher if you have the desire.
o Consider soul-winning. You can give a person lesson after lesson about evangelism, and send them out on the street, and they don’t know what they’re doing. But you find someone with a fire in their heart for sharing the gospel, and they’ll find 100 ways to win souls. Likewise, if you have a vision for teaching your children, you’ll find ways. May God give us the spirit of a teacher.
We know what good teachers are like at school, right?
o They’re always looking for ways to teach.
o They notice things around them and write them down to use them as illustrations for things they want to teach later.
That is exactly what God has in mind for us.
God has provided the resources for us:
o There are hundreds of things even in your own home which could be used as teaching illustrations.
o For instance: All you need is a light and you’ve got a scripture lesson. Open your Bible to the passage where Jesus says, “I am the light of the world.” Then turn the light off so the room goes dark, talk about what light does and how Jesus is like light, and the kids will learn a lesson!
o Make your lessons interesting! We need to do at home what we would do if we were teaching the lesson to the whole church!
o If you want to learn how to be a good teacher, read God’s word, get a picture of it in your mind, and then tell your children what you see.
Exhortation from Proverbs 4:1-8
“Hear, O sons, the instruction of a father, And give attention that you may gain understanding, For I give you sound teaching; Do not abandon my instruction. When I was a son to my father, Tender and the only son in the sight of my mother, Then he taught me and said to me, "Let your heart hold fast my words; Keep my commandments and live; Acquire wisdom! Acquire understanding! Do not forget nor turn away from the words of my mouth. Do not forsake her, and she will guard you; Love her, and she will watch over you. The beginning of wisdom is: Acquire wisdom; And with all your acquiring, get understanding. Prize her, and she will exalt you; She will honor you if you embrace her.” (NASB)
o Solomon’s mother only had one child. David sat before him and said, “Solomon, wisdom is the principle thing. Get wisdom!” Then years later, when God offered Solomon anything he wanted, Solomon said, “My father told me to get wisdom, so that’s what I want.” David stirred up in his son a desire for God’s wisdom.
o If there’s grace enough for the building of the earthly temple, there is grace enough for the building of the heavenly temple with the living stones of our bodies.
o Step into the water! The Jordan River didn’t part until the people of Israel stepped into the water. They could have stood on the edge of the river all day and it would have never opened up. We can say all day, “I’m not a teacher…” Just step into the water. There is grace enough to become teachers.
o Very important. Don’t cut corners. So tempting to skip a day or whittle it down to just a few minutes because there are so many other things to do that day!
o Devotions is important. We don’t just read a couple of verses and pray a little prayer. If that’s all you’re doing, I’m not saying that’s bad; I just want to stretch your vision a bit.
o Devotions at our house takes 45 min to an hour.
o It’s an interesting time, not a boring time.
o Be prepared. What would you do if you suddenly had the opportunity to speak to 1,000 people about the grace of God in your life? I’d be on my face before God crying for help and ideas. Our time before our children is no less important than if we had a thousand people in the audience. Our children are more important than any other audience.
o The father should be the center of attention. He’s the spiritual head, the guide of the family, so sit in front of your children and face them as their teacher.
o It’s a family time. Sit down and have a good time. We talk about the day, we ask questions, and we laugh if the little kid does something cute; we enjoy ourselves.
a) Sing:
o I know fathers who can’t sing, but who taught their children to sing! (Denny Kenaston, Jim Mill – for Jim, it was a matter of obedience to God; he saw that we are commanded over and over again in the Psalms to sing praise to God, so he got teaching videos and books and practiced until he could do it!).
o Teach songs by memory to little kids who can’t read – repeat after me phrase by phrase, then repeat until they have memorized it. “Jesus Loves me, this I know…” repeat. Before our kids can read, they know “Jesus Loves me” “Wide, Wide as the Ocean” and lots of other songs by memory because we have made it a priority in our lives. For the little kids who don’t know songs, you can tell them, “I know this is a new song to you, but I want you to learn it. Just watch my mouth as I sing it.” They’ll pick it up.
o Maybe choose 6 songs, do two at a time, and every three days it’s back to the first two. It won’t be long until they have ‘em down. Sacrifice diversity for the sake of training your children. After they learn those first 6 hymns, you can start 6 more.
o I prefer the hymns because they’re filled with doctrine from the Bible. Learn all the verses of the hymn - children can memorize anything with ease.
b) Read the Bible.
o Read straight through a chapter at a time and discuss… or memorize a verse or two and dissect it’s meaning…. or study topics. If yesterday, kids were fighting over toys, study scriptures about kindness!
o Sometimes if a child asks a question, I’ll just chase that topic and follow their interest - save the lesson I prepared for later.
o I also ask questions of the children when their attention starts to wander. (Humorous when they learn that “God” is probably the right answer.)
o Ask them questions that you know they don’t have an answer for, too. Make them think and sort through the concordance that’s building in their minds to get an answer. Your kids may think of cross-references you didn’t think of.
o We need to focus on application. It is the father’s responsibility to apply the word of God to real life. You can read Romans 8:28 and teach that God is sovereign and that Open Theism is wrong, but don’t stop there. Bring it down to real life – how does a belief that God causes all things to work together affect your response to your pet Fluffy dying or you getting a C on your history test?
o Children also need to be instructed on the “why’s” of what we believe, not just the list of “do’s and don’ts.” Why didn’t you let them watch that movie their friends saw? Why don’t you let your girls wear immodest clothes? What’s wrong with the things that are evil in this world? Father needs to open up the Bible and say, “This is why…” If you don’t, you have left your children no reason to carry on your beliefs into the next generation, and I think that’s the main reason why Bible-believing Christianity went from the majority of our country’s population down to the 7% it is estimated at today.
o Many people say it’s the responsibility of the church to catechize my children. I don’t believe that. Teaching at church should be just to confirm what you fathers are already teaching them at home. It’s your responsibility to take the Bible and break it down for your family. The role which the priests and elders carried in the Bible was to instruct the fathers so that the fathers could do it with their families.
o You can put in the hearts of your children hundreds of convictions before they ever make a public profession of faith. No child will reject the important aspects of your faithful practice if you’ve taught it to them from infancy.
o Even the babies know that Papa is a special person, that this is a special time, and that Papa is saying something important when he has a Bible in his hand. She doesn’t understand everything, but she loves the Bible. Why? Because her Papa loves the Bible.
o You want to see even a 6-month-old get excited about the Bible? Hold a Bible in front of her and say, “This is the Bible! It’s a special book. We love the Bible. It’s the word of God. You want to touch it? I can’t wait until you’re old enough to start reading it for yourself!” She’ll get excited every time you pick it up, and she’ll find this book exciting and interesting as she gets old enough to read it.
o I didn’t start out this way. It was hard to develop a consistent discipline of leading family devotions, but my first son, Josh, got the vision before I did. He must have been about one year old when he started us doing devotions every night. While I was trying to go to bed, he would toddle over to the bookshelf, grab Kenneth Taylor’s Bible in Pictures for Little Eyes, and hand it to me. He couldn’t talk yet, but it melted my heart to know that he wanted me to read a Bible story to him every night before we went to bed!
o What would it be like if you taught your children 365 days of the year for a decade? When they got older, would they depart from the way they should go then?
c) Pray
o If you pray about the things that concern you, you are teaching your children what to do when they get anxious about something. Go to God in prayer.
o Pray not only for the needs you have but also about ministry initiatives your family is doing and that other friends are doing. We read missionary newsletters during this time, pass the pictures around, and pray for them.
o Take note of answered prayers and thank God for them! (My Dad developed a prayer journal with me when I was a boy with a column for prayer requests and a column for answers so that I could write down the answers when they came. This encouraged me to pray for more from God!)
o “Your talk talks, and your walk talks, but your walk talks louder than your talk talks.”
o “More things are caught than taught.”
o We train our children by our example.
o “Enthusiasm” is from Greek language “en theos” – “in God” = divine inspiration.
o “When we live a live charged by divine inspiration, our life becomes a powerful teaching tool in the lives of our children.”
o
Col 3:23 “Whatever you do, do it heartily for the
Lord...”
Synonyms: Wholehearted, spirited, eager, zealous.
o Enthusiasm is contagious. Someone is exciting about winning a soul, and before you know it, everybody is jumping with excitement.
o What we are excited about, our children will get excited about, and they will turn their will toward it. Train the will with godly enthusiasm.
Psalm 112 – Here’s a man who is enthusiastic about godliness. He loves to read the Bible. And, what do you know, his children are mighty!
o You can tell what a parent is enthusiastic about because that is what they will talk about.
o Whatever you love to do, your children will also love it. If a father truly loves his profession, his son naturally will come to love it too. Whatever we’re excited about, our children will also get excited about.
o
I know a father who hates work; Do his boys like to
work? No way.
I know a mother who doesn’t like to clean house; Do her daughters like to
clean? Nooo.
o I learned to love God’s word from my Dad. Every morning, no matter how early I woke up, I’d see my Dad in his study reading the Bible and praying. Is it any wonder that became a passionate pursuit for me too?
o One day, I noticed one of my big boys didn’t come to lunch when I called, and I was a little irritated at this. Later on I discovered he was fasting over the city commission meeting. Why did he do that? I didn’t say, “We live by the Bible, and we’re all gonna fast today!”
o Why do my children take great care to calculate their tithe and enjoy giving away their money? Did I say, “Now look; you’re all going to give 10% or I’m coming after you with the rod!”
o
How come my children like 1980’s punk Christian
music? How come they like okra?
It’s because that’s what my wife and I love!
o
How come when my little girls put on a beautiful
dress they come and show me?
How come the boys walk in with heads held high when their hands are covered
with grease from repairing a motor?
They know I love to see my girls upholding
beauty, and they know I value a hard-working man!
o Enthusiasm is a powerful motivator!
This means, parents, we need to set our affections and hopes in the right place!
o Whatever you want, you may have, but first you must love it yourself and live it with enthusiasm before your children.
o You won’t have to spank them into it. You can use the rod if you want, but I’d rather influence my children by the way I live and the way I enjoy living out the Christian life!
o Do you want your children to love soul-winning? Love it.
o Do you want your children to love to pray? Love to pray.
o Do you want your children to love the Bible? Love it yourself.
o They’ll come running after everything you love to do.
If you take consistent discipline
and weave that together with interesting teaching from the word of God
and then wrap around that the enthusiastic example of your life, you will be successful.
“When it’s all said and done, you’ll have what you settle for.”
Picture in your mind a king on the day the queen bears a son. The newborn son is handed to the king. What does that king think? “I have a son! He’s going to be the next king! He’s going to need to know the laws inside-out, he’s going to need to learn how to give speeches, how to manage a country, how to dress appropriately, how to lead in a battle… If a king would think this way, should we do anything less? We are raising children for the King of Kings! But so often we are lacking in direction and purpose with raising our children.
We need to keep in our mind a vision of the end product of a mature man or woman who loves God with all their heart. This requires being able to work incrementally toward that goal.
Do you know how animal trainers train a tiger to walk on a tightrope?
o Start with 2 boards and get the tiger to walk on those two boards. Over and over and over again. Maybe 200 times.
o Once the tiger has it down completely, they turn the 2x4’s on edge, and the tiger walks on those two, and they do that a couple hundred times.
o Next they stretch 2 cables over the top of the 2x4s, and they walk over that a couple hundred times.
o Then they take the 2x4s away, and start raising the cables higher off the ground.
o The tiger trainer doesn’t get there overnight, but he knows where he’s going. Even before the tiger can walk on the tightrope, he’s seeing that tiger walking the tightrope, and he’ll patiently work, step by step, with that tiger for as long as it takes.
Parents are like tiger trainers. You don’t have to get there overnight, but you need to know where you’re going. Let those little tigers start walking on the boards, but keep stretching them: move the boards on edge, and stretch the cables, and so on.
o Susanna Wesley raised 14 children. Among them were Charles Wesley, who became one of the greatest hymn-writers of all time, and John Wesley, who founded the Methodist churches. Susanna spent 30 minutes of quality quiet time with each child each week.
o My Dad had a bi-weekly rotation where he would take me and my brother and sister and some neighbor children from a broken home out, one by one, for some time to talk and pray together. Sometimes he’d go sit up in the treehouse with me to talk, sometimes he’d take me out for a MacDonald’s breakfast. But those times were always the highlight of my week.
o Twice a year on birthdays and half-birthdays, I take my kids out for a restaurant meal, one-on-one. We talk through highlights of the year, goals for the coming year, and how things went in meeting the last set of goals, and then we pray together for whatever concerns they have.
o If you’re not sure what to talk about, try writing up about 15 questions: What’s your favorite food? What would you like to be when you grow up? What’s your favorite Bible verse? Favorite song? What’s the most embarrassing thing that’s ever happened to you? If there’s one thing you could change about me what would it be? Take them out one-on-one for lunch or something and ask these questions. You’d be amazed how much you’d learn. Find out what’s in your children’s hearts.
o They’ll save up questions and problems to talk to you about. They’ll look forward to that time.
o If you catch problems when they’re little seedlings during these times, they come out easy, but if you wait until they have grown into big problems that create emergencies, it’s a lot harder.
o Shower them with love. We can never have too high of a standard for our children as long as we pour love all over them. Spending time with your children will show them that love.
Well, there it is, five positive strategies Christian parents can use (in addition to using the rod) which I gleaned from a godly man named Denny Kenaston, and which I’ve been using for almost two decades, and which I recommend to all of you:
1. Cultivate the spirit of a teacher in obedience and reliance upon God.
2. Use Family Devotions as your primary teaching tool.
3. Set your hopes and affections in the right place and use the power of enthusiasm.
4. Keep the end goal of maturity in mind and work bit by bit toward it.
5. Take time alone to talk with your children and shower them with love.